Who’s Caring for the Family Caregiver? The Emotional Cost of Doing It All
Photo By: Claudia Wolff
Caring for an aging parent or spouse can become a full-time responsibility, even for someone who already has a job, children, and a household to manage. But for many family caregivers, the hardest part isn’t admitting they’re exhausted. It’s accepting that they need help.
The guilt surrounding caregiving can make people reluctant to share responsibilities, even as their own health and relationships begin to suffer.
The problem with doing it all
“One of the biggest challenges is guilt. Family members may feel that if they truly love someone, they should be able to do it all themselves,” says Jim Prussak, CEO of Applause Home Care, an independent and family-owned home care agency providing care in Fair Lawn, Maplewood, and Northern New Jersey residents.
“Family caregivers often feel that they have to do everything themselves. They’re managing medications, appointments, meals, personal care, as well as household responsibilities, all while trying to be a spouse, son, daughter, or parent," he adds.
Even though this might not seem concerning at first, according to Caregiver.org, 20% of family caregivers suffer from depression, and when this happens, it’s not only the life of the caregiver that starts to deteriorate, but the patients as well, because we can’t help someone out if we are not helping ourselves first.
A sustainable option
“We should be helping families build a support system early, rather than waiting until exhaustion, declining health, or a crisis forces them to seek assistance,” Prusak continued.
Recognizing that asking for support is not a sign of weakness. It can make it easier for loved ones to see the benefits of bringing a professional caregiver into their daily lives.
This decision not only eases the emotional and physical toll of caregiving, but also allows patients to regain their independence and sense of purpose. With professional care at home, they can maintain control over simple everyday choices, such as when to get dressed, what to eat, how to spend their day, or which activities to enjoy.
Even if it seems like something small, it can make a huge difference in the patient’s perspective because they stay in control of their own life.
It has shown that when families, along with professional caregivers, include the patient into some of the decision making, not only does the patient feel better, but the family dynamic also becomes smoother since not all the decisions fall into just one person.
When to ask for help
It may not be easy for everyone to accept or even be aware of the fact that you may need professional help to take care of your loved ones. That’s why it’s fundamental to pay attention to certain behaviors we may be having while taking care of someone we love. Some can be easy to identify like: having a poor sleep, feeling tired all the time, becoming more irritable, or having difficulty concentrating. Another sign is emotional withdrawal. Other symptoms may not be as noticeable, like when people stop seeing friends, give up activities they enjoy, or neglect their own medical appointments because they simply don’t have the time or energy.
One of the first alternatives Prusak encourages families to take in, is the way people ask each other how they are.
“Families can start by having an honest, compassionate conversation. Rather than asking, ‘Can you keep doing this?’ try asking, ‘How are you really doing?’ or ‘What could we take off your plate this week?’ Those questions can make it easier for a caregiver to admit they’re struggling without feeling guilty,” explained Prussak.
Before the storm
Applause Home Care encourages people to continue investigating, get themselves well informed, and seek professional home care before they’re completely overwhelmed. This way we can ensure both a healthy, honorable, and dignified lifestyle for our loved ones, as well as the people who take care of them. It is part of their goal to help families build a support system early, instead of waiting until something major happens, like exhaustion, declining health, family problems, or a crisis that will force them to seek assistance immediately.
According to a report made by Caregiving in the U.S., more than 40% of family caregivers are providing high intensity care to their loved ones, yet only 22% of them receive training. These findings show off how demanding caregiving can be and why having access to appropriate support can make a difference for both caregivers and the people they care for.
In the end, taking care of someone is not simply about completing tasks or managing a person’s limitations. It’s also about preserving their dignity, independence, personal choice, and meaningful relationships. It means understanding that every person has their own needs, routines, and preferences, and making sure they feel heard, respected, and supported every step of the way. Taking care of someone we love should not take away their independence, but help them maintain it while feeling safe, valued, and understood.
